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Glamazon confessions-->Please Help!!

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  • Sorry about that first post.

    Well I said I was gonna post it and here it is. You got a few minutes LOL some of this may get jumbled up as I tend to write as I speak haha. Yes I do ramble at times. I want you to have a little insight to who I am and where I'm going so if you have any advice and information to help you can. It will be greatly appreciated believe me

    Why Raw you may wonder...me too! Spirit had me conveniently stumble across this site. i have done a few posts myself and have commented on several other's threads. I keep going online and trying to keep inspired. I went on Alissa Cohen's page and saw her '30 days+ raw' people's before and afters...I was amazed. Raw is definitely the way to go!! I had heard of raw, knew raw people in the past, was a veg on and off for 5 years, I go thru stages where I am very into health and wellness and then life takes a turn I go down another path blah blah. I do love being healthy and always feel like it is a calling but I just haven't stuck to it or anything else for the matter really. i used to be a CMT and had a great following but now I'm a electrician. I know I'm a wackO.

    I turned 40 and I am really wondering what my life is meant for. Had VERY difficult time these last few years. Started at Nov 2004 lost my best BEST friend Annoula [whom I truly considered my SISTER] to breast cancer at the age of 36. Broke my heart, then Jan 2005 I lost my little pomeranian my babygirl Kykki Doodle...she was 16 and the beat of my heart--sweetest little spirit and thought for sure my other baby Boogadie FuFu LaRue was gonna go too coz she was so depressed after Kykki left us. But we made it thru...she is coming to the end of her life cycle and has health issues but that's another story. OMGoodness I'm actually tearing up!!

    Ok , ok, then out of the blue my best friend from childhood Jennifer calls me and says her breast cancer is back so we reconnect, I go out to CA couple of times to help take care of her. Then almost like she waited for me to get out she also passes away in June 2006 the day after I get out of the hospital from my back surgery---resulted from a work injury in Dec 2005. Still have pain and other herniated discs in my back and neck that I won't let them touch, dealing with worker's comp pill pusher doctors, having emotional melt down/s feeling like my body was no longer my own...it's very depressing but again another story for another time. Anyway so Jennifer was also 36 and it was like a repeating nightmare. Now I'm really wondering why am I still here?!! They both had 2 children, married with loving families THEY had REASONS to be here. It was just a tough, miserable time for me.

    I have always been an emo eater. I'm a foodie, love different foods, using diff spices, experimenting, yada, yada. And to my demise, I am a pretty darn good cook. With all the previously mentioned stuff...you guessed it, I have gained weight. This time the weight is doubly bad because of my ongoing back isues. So after all my pity party and inner drama I decide I gotta make a change!! I am definitely trying to lose FAT--not weight so much as the dreaded "F" word. I have been upping my raw intake. Because of financial reasons I have half organic half non. The following is my typical purchases I do throw in few different greens here and there that are nonorganic when the veg market I go to has a special or whatever.

    The ORGANICS I have are: baby spinach and baby greens, Fuji apples, bananas, kale and carrots. I think my sprouts are organic too get them from Whole Foods the variety sprouts with radish, fennel, alfalfa, clover and then plain broccoli sprouts.

    The non-organics I usually have are: celery, cucumber, red peppers, tomato, zucchini, parsley, ginger, avocado, beets and their greens, blueberries, lemons and limes.Sometimes I do try new greens occasionally i.e dandelion, collard, mustard, watercress. I usually have corriander/cilantro in fridge for cooking my husbands dishes and onions and potatoes are a staple for him [he is Indian so have alot of spices in the house as well]. When there is a sale I will get strawberries, pineapple, grapes etc. and when it's time I love watermelon!!

    I used to go on and off Atkins for weight loss. I really think that plus my back pain the last few years have really aged me! My skin looks blah, arms have alot of sun-spots and almost hate to wear short sleeves without a tan, my skin has always seemed loose to me as well, under eyes are def darker and have age spots on my upper cheeks by the eyes which aren't as white as they were, and I get those little millia things [tiny white hard lumps in under eye area-you have to extract with needle coz there's no pore opening to pop it out] my tongue is always white, have mucous issues, and my BP is on the higher side. Have hardly no flexibilty either especailly in my hamstrings. WOW now that look back over that list I am a MESS!

    I'm 5'10" weight right at 200lbs...was at 227lbs horrible!! I'm an apple shape. Have no butt really never have except many moons ago when I was into body building thus the reason my lat/shoulders are probably wider than most the men I work with hahha but I carry my weight in my stomach and upper back. Women talk about a little bra over hang I have a slab of over hang on the left and it is much larger than the right overhangage. Seriously the left side is like a big slab of pork whereas the right side is like a couple of sausages at most. Very lopsided!! My legs until recently have always been my GOOD part...very shapely and muscular...now not so shapely and my inner calves are even looking fat. The very top of my thighs by pelvic area are soft and fatty like undescribabaly slushy almost, so that is freaking me out too.

    I have so many questions...some i have asked on other threads some still lingering like: Which book if you could only purchase ONE would you recommend? What is your opinion on Prill water? Which is better--a juicer or high power blender and nut milk bag? Do you Rebound? I have a mini tramp I have not been using but I can slap this girdle thing on to stabilize my back and do it relatively comfortably. I mean I'm not jumping for the stars or anything. I'm not working at the moment so for past month I have really been doing more physical activity, thus the reason I am down to 200 lb mark. I have been walking alot, usually 3-4 miles at pretty brisk pace but I don't sweat very much [it is cold out now] but I don't really sweat when I walk even though I'm moving pretty fast. I ride my bike all over the place when weather permits too.

    So here is the real confession part...I binged out yesterday. I was feeezing and for some reason my hands would not get warm. I was wearing gloves in the house. I woofed about 10 dates, and about same amount of soaked raw brazil nuts the combo was so delicious but I knew I would keep eating them so I decided to bake me a sweet potatoe instead. Hmmm in theory it sounded like a good option. But theeeeen I figured well since I have the oven on, falafel patties and naan sound good too. I went overboard with the naan!! Had like 6 pieces I just could not stop! I felt like a bread junkie. Afterwards, I was mad, depressed and disgusted--> my usual routine. Today I woke up hungry [obviously coz I over-stretched my stomach!! helloO] And I'm tired but I'm not gonna cave today. I'm getting back on track and doing my raw full force. And after I finish this LONG post I'm going out walking!

    So as you can see I'm lost and whatever guidance, knowledge, support you can give I will greatly, GREATLY appreciate. Thank you all so much! Hope I don't scare you all away LOL I am harmless honestly hee hee. Least I can still laugh!

    Peace always!

    Lo aka Glamazon

  • WinonaWinona Raw Newbie

    A high power blender and a nut milk bag is best. I have a juicer and never use it - the high power blender is the best choice.

    I have a suggestion related to food. Drink a huge blender full of green smoothie every morning. Greens help a LOT with cravings - green smoothies make me less hungry throughout the day. Also, be sure to eat plenty of fruit and salad during the whole day - i did that when i first went raw (for about 6 months, i was SO hungry and ate fresh produce every 3 hours - otherwise at night i'd be so hungry i'd eat and eat nonstop).

    Remember that raw WILL give you energy. It gave me tons of energy, so I was able to work out a lot more which helps with weight maintenance.

  • Sounds like you could use a little gentle yoga. I'm fairly new to raw as well, but when my eating takes over me, it rarely has to do with anything physical. With all the stress you've been under, and what you mentioned about your flexibility, it might be a serious help.

    I think the important thing is to approach raw foods with a sense of self-love and compassion towards yourself, a step towards healing. Not as another diet to possibly fail, and not as a way to highlight little setbacks like yesterday's and berate yourself about it. You seem like a wonderfully giving person, from being a CMT (I used to be as well, and I remember the amount of energy constantly being given out), and taking care of your friends.... are you doing anything to pamper yourself lately?

    Above all, remember that you are perfect exactly as you are right now. Obviously a lovely and capable, caring woman. Good luck with everything!

  • pixxpixx Raw Master

    I'm with Winona on the high power blender. I have a juicer, and I use it fairly frequently. But you can do more with a good blender. 'Course, that choice could be influenced by the fact that I don't have one! My blender is a $45 Oster.

    I'm also with avocadoelikepotatoe on the approach to raw foods. Don't look at it as a "diet" (in the most typical use of the word). Don't look at non raw foods as things you can not have. Don't look at indulgences in cook food as a failure.

    I myself have taken the attitude that I will allow myself to have what I want. Whatever I want. (As long as I am getting in plenty of raw, too!) I am finding that more and more, that what I want is the good stuff! I still indulge in cooked food. But I am really noticing how my body reacts to different things I eat, and I am learning!! My taste buds are starting to follow. :~) Tonya Kaye has a youtube video on this very attitude/approach to transitioning to raw. I was tickled to see someone well-known taking the same approach as I have. It works! No, it's not an overnight transition, but it is also not one where you pine away for things you "can not" have, nor berate yourself for things you did have! Restricting yourself makes you crave whatever it is even more, then the binging comes. Not a good cycle!

    Again, with avocadoelikepotatoe, find ways to pamper yourself! We all need that. You've taken on a lot of negative energy lately! Finds some positive vibes, and soak in them! Yes, Raw food is certainly a good one, as long as you choose to shed the self-"limiting" view of it. Otherwise, you'll be adding more negativity to your already overflowing cup. Hug yourself. :~)

    I am 45, and have the "slushy thighs" too. But my bf recently confirmed that they are indeed getting smaller! Yeah! I've lost maybe 25-30 pounds eating this way, even with my "loose" way of approaching it! My day is anything from 60% to 100% depending on where "I am at" that day. I suppose I average about 85% overall, but getting more and more raw most days.

    As for the sprouts-- you can save yourself some money by growing your own. It only takes a few minutes twice a day (maybe three times in hot dry weather). All ya need are a few mason jars, some cheesecloth, rubber bands, some organic seeds, and five days! (yep, done in five days!) You certainly can get way more fancy with it, but that's really all you need. I bought some nice screen lids so as not to fool around with the cloth, and I've done it this way for over 20 years, until recently buying an automatic machine. Have to admit, I kinda like the jar method best! Let me know if you want more info on sprouting, such as places to buy good seed, and I will hook you up with that info!

    Again, hug yourself! You're doing a great job!

    :~)

  • CarnapCarnap Raw Newbie

    Hi,

    I have some emotional eating, too. Anytime I think "oh, I should get on that 14 page paper I need to write that requires I read at least four very dense books", or "oh, I need to pay the bills", "I have never once done Latin homework all year". I soon find myself downing nut butter with carob, coconut, agave and dried fruits in a small bowl. And then I feel very full, but manage to eat more.

    It's hard. I don't know why you do it personally, but if you get the urge you could try to adopt the reflex of calling a friend or something. Not like an AA type support, but just to have some small talk. It will keep you out of the kitchen. Develop some reflex.

    It is very hard to break this habit. I have not quite mastered it because I live alone and there is no one to tell me to cut it out!!!!

  • Oh thank you all so much for your caring spirits and openness to share!

    avocadoelikepotatoe & pixx after reading your comments I got all teared up. Thanks for your sweet encouraging words. My emotions are all over the place and you made me feel connected and NOT alone again. i know none of us are...but sometimes I need reminding.

    avocadoelikepotatoe I have done yoga in the past...had a great instructer but I never seemed to improve flexibilty-wise. It was very disheartening and I finally gave up. From "our" CMT background I took it as an emotional issue manifesting into a physical reality. I'm not sure why I'm so tight. After my back ordeal my hams are even tighter and I find myself constantly guarding myself from a possible slip or fall. I gotta learn to trust and lust let go. So far been here 4 decades and still haven't got that I think LOL. I'm the best cheer leader. I see the greatness in EVERY human being I come in contact with...yet I see very little in myself. I have many issues I'm trying to deal with and move forward and hopefuully beyond them. I thank you for the loving kindness you sent. You touched my heart.

    Pixx I'm not really seeing RAW as limiting--more as me not knowing and being overwhelmed with the tons of contradicting information. I know ultimately I have to do what is best for MY body...it's just figuring it out that is nerve racking LOL. I am looking for that proverbial lightbulb over my head moment when it just clicks and makes sense. I'm just thankful for other's inputs and experiences. Again makes me feel connected. And YES yes yes!!! I would be interested in sprouting so any info you have I would like to have. I actually looked for mason jars at the store today as I was out riding. Didn't see any. Where can you buy them, and do you have to buy a whole box...seems the last time my aunt bought some of the smaller type she had to buy the whole box. Anyway if you would like you can email me directly at rawlikeme40@yahoo.com just identify yourself in the subject line so I don't spam ya LOL

    Winona...along my bike journey today I also stopped and got a paint strainer bag from Home Depot...heard they work as well as nut mylk bags so we shall see. I was reading some info on green smoothies. What is a basic smoothie made from? I mean is there like a "standard" green smoothie and people just add to it as taste prevails? One book said celery, cucumber, apple, spinach or kale and half a lemon...does that sound right or am I missing ingredients? As I mentioned some of my stuff is organic some not...cucumbers being one that is not so do I have to peel it first? Or can I wash it a special way..I get the kirby ones from the bogus "farmers" market but they seem ok. They don't have a fake wax look like the regular cucumbers I see in stores.

    Carnap I too don't know what sets me into an eating frenzy. It is a habit though that's for sure. it's tough during day to call anyone because unlike me being laid off at the moment everyone is working LOL My husband, bless his heart, just doesn't get it. He has never had an eating problem...he is and has always been thin. He tells me I'm too hard on myself. Honestly about a decade ago a typical binge would have been a 6 PACK of Snickers a CAN of Pringles with half gallon of ice cold milk followed by another 6 PACK of snickers...and I'm talking full size bars not the fun size. God, just writing that makes me want to regurgitate! I can't even imagine trying that now. I gave up Snickers completely because the taste of one would trigger me to eat SEVERAL. I have really mistreated my body.

    I am trying to be a better person and not let everyday situations dwell on my mind and in my heart. I do think I am on a journey and where I am supposed to be. I need to practice patience and ultimately perseverance. I just feel like I'm so far behind and should be further along in my understanding of ME. I have wasted so much of my life and now I'm trying to appreciate it, live it, and be at peace. When I was a kid people would always ask "What do you want to be when you grow up? I would reply "Happy" I think I can attain that. I have hope anyway.

    Thank you ALL again...your input is so valued by me...you have no idea!

    Peace

    Lo~

  • pixxpixx Raw Master

    Smoothies: any fruit, mixed with any greens. Simple.

    I typically use a banana or two, a handful of frozen fruit (pineapple, or cherries, or mango, or whatever's on hand) and whatever greens I have on hand (chard, collards, parsley, spinach, etc). start with a small amount of greens and slowly add more each day till you get it to the amount you feel comfortable with. In the summer I use more fresh fruits (less frozen) and throw in a few ice cubes to make it all cold. Add water, and blend. That's it. You *can* add other stuff: cacao, mesquite, coconut oil, nuts, seeds, avocado, vanilla bean, etc, etc.

    (Posting the sprout info here, in case others following the thread are interested, too.)

    Yes, you will most likely have to buy the whole case of 12 mason jars. Sometimes you can find them in a pack of 4. In the fall (canning season) you can find them everywhere- but the rest of the year, you will need to call your local hardware store and see if they have a canning section. Or buy a jar or two from these places below (some offer them). or use any glass jars from home (old peanut butter jar, or pickle jar, if you still have any of that around.)

    You can buy your seeds at sproutpeople, (mentioned on this thread: http://goneraw.com/forum/soaking-and-sprouting-help ) or

    http://wheatgrasskits.com/sprouting/sprout_seed.htm

    http://www.sprouthouse.com/

    All three of the above are great companies I have dealt with. The below are some I am aware of, but have NOT shopped with personally:

    http://www.mountainroseherbs.com/sprouting/sprouting_seeds.html

    http://www.watersuntogether.com/sprout.asp?IT_Cat1=Sprout

    http://www.sprouting.com/usastore/enter.html

    http://www.naturalartsbotanicals.com/Products-Sprouts_Sprouters.html

    http://www.sunorganicfarm.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=CTGY&Category_Code=SEE

    http://www.marketworks.com/StoreFrontProfiles/DeluxeSFShop.aspx?c=103747&sfid=124287&sid=200804101330090000000332682715

    All the info you could ever possibly need (just about!) can be found on the sproutpeople.com website. They are unbelievably generous with info! And the yahoo group is great for all sorts of info, too!

    :~)

  • Glamazon,

    Keep in mind, anything I'm writing here are just my thoughts from my perspective. If anything is helpful, use it. If not, please know it was offered out of concern and know it's just not for you. I'm definately no expert in this area. I just sense you may be having a similar experience as I am working though.

    By that, I mean that you just turned 40 (I'm 39) and I can relate to much of what you were writing. Not all the personal experiences (like recent deaths, and physical injuries), but the feelings of:

    Did I waste parts of my life? Shouldn't I be farther along? The searching for meaning kind of thing? (And, yes, sometimes a eating binge here or there:-)

    I've felt unbalanced- Not like I'm mentally unhinged. Just not in balance. Flighty of mind, but feeling like I should be searching for something.

    I'm trying to take better care of my health (like you), and think having a healthy body is going to help me. But what I really think is going on is a natural process of reevaluating things while we are in that inbetween stage. We aren't in our twenties anymore (I personally don't miss them- always broke back then), but we are quite middleage yet either. I personally think it's an emotional/spiritual crisis stage for me. A time to look inside. Get to know yourself time.

    I wish I knew what book would be most meaningful to you, but what speaks to me might not do a thing for you. I tend to wonder around bookstores and "let the book find me." Strange as that seems, it appears to work for me.

    Anyways, if I'm understanding a little of what you are going through- I believe the restlessness is part of the process. Hope some of this makes sense. Good luck.

  • SuasoriaSuasoria Raw Newbie

    ((((Hugs))))

    You are new to raw -- I can't remember if you were SAD before, and if you tried to go raw cold turkey (pardon the expression) but maybe you simply need more time. I think you mentioned that you wanted to go all-in right away because you're an "all or nothing" personality...well, perhaps you're experiencing that this isn't the optimal way to live.

    I have said this before, but I don't see raw food as a way to become a better person. Yoga, meditation, mindfulness - there are many practices and techniques for self-improvement or "enlightenment." Diet is a tool that helps people see these paths more clearly, and of course a vegan diet is optimal for consciousness, but it isn't enough by itself. Spiritual or personal issues may come to the forefront once we start eating cleaner, but we still need to do the actual work to heal them.

    The key for me is to not to focus on the ego of it...not even, 'I feel good when I eat that' or 'I feel bad when I eat that.' If I am in an ego space of wanting self-improvement through food, it's the same ego space of seeking self-gratification through food. It doesn't work for me to be so internally driven, to make it all about me me me.

    Mason jars: check thrift stores for mason jars, or maybe you have an old-lady neighbor whose canning days are behind her!

  • As ALWAYS thanks to you lovely people!!

    Pixx thanks for all those links...I will check them out asap.

    Sisterbecky...yes you are sensing correctly. I just have alot of those nagging "what if's" and "you should have done's" lingering. I definitely feel like I made some poor choices in my younger years. Only thing I miss from my 20s is taut skin LOL.

    I'm trying to figure out what I'm meant to do. I got into the IBEW and the majority of people that hear that, think it's like the greatest thing and so amazing that I got in blah blah...meanwhile it's just a job to me and not one I truly enjoy. I'm finding it harder to do now with my ever present reminders of the injury. And to be honest--I get tired of the whole boy's club mentality that is forever rearing it's ignorant head. I did that whole route in Vegas when I became one of the first female slot techs...should have learned then LOL. I just feel like I have no purpose like I'm wasting time and ultimately my life. I have no true joy anymore. Nothing excites me and I feel like I have lost my creative side. I have just been in a "downer" cycle and I'm really hoping my "upward" cycle kicks in. Granted the days of me sleeping the entire day away in 2-4 hr intervals because that's the most the pain would allow are gone but what am I doing with this thing called MY LIFE? Just seems like there should be MORE to it. It sucks to feel like that. I'm still feeling lost. I know I'm not and that it's just a "feeling" and feelings constantly change.

    I have tried many forms of "healing" and none have stuck...yoga, chakra balancing, EFT, journaling, energy shifting and crystal work, chanting couple of times, reflexology, various herbal detoxes, even tried to meditate but my mind will not shut up so i find myself constantly saying shhhhhh just relax and breathe and then saying quit thinking quit talking to yourself!! Nothing sticks or really makes me feel like WOW this is really helping. I do think I am going to make a break-thru soon. Or at least thats my story and I'm sticking to it!!

    Suasoria...My diet has been ever changing...SAD...vegan...veg...macro...hi-pro...SAD without dairy...even tried fruitarian for couple of months one summer...love veg but on typical cooked veg I gain weight which is very frustrating!! So read few things about raw and thought maybe IT will work for me. First couple of weeks was doing great...all jazzed and feeling more energy and much less aggressive and sad. Was so looking forward to feeling AND looking better. My past Atkins stints and pain issues have really aged me. I look at pics from 2 years ago and WOW I really do look l@10 years older now. I gotta get it together and for me--->diet is a major factor. But I understand what you are saying. I have had emotional detox situations where things I thought were dealt with and healed--come up with a vengance. Sadly those have been some of my binge moments--stuffing down the pain instead of releasing it.

    You know I never thought about asking my neighbor for mason jars...she probably does have some in her basement. She used to can back in the day. She is 93 and until about 3 years ago was outside everyday in her yard doing her plants talking to neighbors and doing YOGA. God bless her...Love that little lady!!

    Ok as usual I'm rambling but you guys really are appreciated. I'm thankful for finding this site. I'm thankful for all of your input and caring spirits. THANK YOU all for taking my out-stretched hand. It means soooo much, believe me.

    Lo~

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