I think I might have had one of the worst days today, and my mother-in- law is to blame! Let me preface this by saying that I don't think she is "all there" mentally and she quite often will act like a child. She has an oppinion on EVERYTHING and watch out if you disagree with her because she always has to be right. Essentially, she is a brat, and unfortunately for me, free rent comes at the price of living with her.
I love my veggies and I have almost been a full vegetarian for a year (Aug.15th!) where as my husband eats what she cooks, but still loves tons of vegetarian meals. She makes nearly everything in caserole or crock pot form and covers them with cheese. Her vegetables that accompany them include cooked corn or mashed potatoes, loaded with butter. It's not the most appealing but she has this weird control over food in the house. Needless to say, a nearly raw vegetarian just doesn't fit into her ideals of what's "healthy." She routinely tells me that my husband Dan is too skinny, but I don't think he is. For his height and activity level, his weight is extremely proportionate ( 6'1" and 175lbs. and a serious biker) and he has a ton of muscle. Dan eats her food to please her because she makes a huge stink over it if he doesn't. It's one of those realtionships where he prefers not to pick small fights because he knows she won't back down.
So today, I come home to make Dan his usual huge salad and sandwhich that I make him everyday for lunch. He loves my salads: spinach, beans, tomatoes, cucumber, mushrooms, green onions, nuts, cilantro, beets, and cheese, usually with a home made salad dressing. His sandwhiches are usually PB & J or cheese, tomato, and avocado on whole wheat bread. That is what he asks for, so I will make it. Nothing I make for him has meat in it and he knows it. I also started a journal that follows my journey on becoming raw and steps I am making in my life to become more environmentally aware, like riding my bike when I don't have to go farther that 25km anywhere. In intro to my journal, I was describing where I am at today and how I feel since becoming a vegetarian. I wrote about Dan's lunches and I joked that I was converting him to a raw diet without him even knowing it (even though that's what he asks for) and that he was my guinea pig, he tests all my creations and tells me what he likes and doesn't like and what I need to add or subtract from a recipe.
Apparently today, she took it upon herslef to read my journal and then accused me of lying when I said I didn't care if Dan ate meat or not! Which I don't care, it's his choice, and honestly he doesn't really like meals loaded with meat. He prefers fish if anything because it's light, and he loves veggie burgers and salads or wraps. She yelled at me and told me that she had read my journal and what I wrote was decietful and that I shouldn't force my vegetarianism on him because he grew up eating meat. I told her I couldn't believe she read my journal and she said "you shouldn't have left it out!" I was irate at this point and she told me that if I told Dan this, she would deny the whole thing! Talk about psycho. This went on for about 15 mins while I was making Dan his salad and she said everything from calling Dan my guinea pig was obsessive and that the way I talk about food and "obsess" about it was not normal. And that I shouldn't look at her meals "with destain" like she apparently catches me doing, which I don't! My parents eat meat, everyone but my little sister eats meat and that's their choice. I have NEVER lectured anyone on the reasons why they should become vegetarian or told them that they were unhealthy. Up until last year, I had eaten meat for almost 24 years of my life. The fact of the matter is I do not crave meat any longer, and my body gets nourishment from fresh fruit and vegetables. And furthermore, both my parents are super supportive of mine and my sisters lifestyle and they always make us vegetarian options. So I left the house in a complete rage and brought my husband his dinner, and told him what had happened, and he apologized because he is so embarassed for her actions. I keep telling him it's not his fault that she's nuts ( and he knows it too) but it's hard for him to get over it when she pulls these moves. I just really needed to vent to people who understand where I am coming from, and I wanted to ask if anyone had advice as to how I should make my husband feel better about having a crazy mother? Thanks for listening, or reading rather, I feel much better knowing I just typed this out!
I have a crazy pseudo-step mother in law myself so I know where you're coming from. She's not even my boyfriend's biological mother but all she does is stick her nose in where it doesn't belong and try and start arguments and force people into her way of thinking. Every small tiff is a huge battle with her.
I can only imagine what it must be like to live with someone like that!!!!
I really feel for you. People get so touchy about how their children eat sometimes, its odd though that she's trying to force him into a more unhealthly lifestyle. She's definitely a little off.
I agree with the others, chin up! Just ignore her. That'll piss her off more.
Hope things work out in the long run!!
This would be like a normal day for me. I'm at the point where I'm pretty sure everyone is crazy ( but me, of course, haha ). The best thing you can do is accept it ( her psychotic-ness-ness ) and move on, feeding into her craziness is only draining you of energy. Its possible that she thrives off of this kind of attention on some subconscious level, and will continue to provoke you simply to feed her ego. Just think of it this way: If someone is willing to go fxckin' nuts over they're son not eating dead animals ( especially when they're active and have muscles ), then they're not even worth your thoughts. So, don't waste your breathe or energy, or thoughts on her. Let her wallow in her own ignorance, especially if you want to continue living rent free, [ ;. Focus your energy on a positive future & let nothing stand in the way of that. Not even your psycho-puta of a mum-in-law.
Chin up KMcR! Yes she sounds like a horrible old boot! just keep thinking "water off a ducks back" type thoughts, smile sweetly at her and try not to engage when she wants to argue - sounds like she enjoys it. Also as mentioned above a lockable box for your journal...
Thanks so much for all of your support you guys! It means a lot to me. I ended up calling my parents and they said the same thing. That I am the bigger person and the best way to get back at her would to be to not feed into her games, to just think positive thoughts, and know that I am above this. I was so surprised that I held my tongue as well as I did last night. When my husband and I got home, she pretended like nothing happened and tried to talk to me. I was short, if I responded at all. I honestly have nothing to say to her. I said my peace. The other crazy thing is that she LOVES to keep it going for days and rehash everything. My husband and I decided that we don't need to talk to her about it and we are just going to move on.
We also decided that our free rent isn't worth this mental abuse. I am moving back to the States in September and I will live with my parents until his green card comes through and he can work in the States too. We decided this would be better in the long run because we will both be working and we can carry on with our plans (once our bills are paid off!) that much faster. Thanks again guys!
Hmmm...in this case, Fructicide may be right;-) Does she have long claws?
Sorry, I just couldn't help myself:-)
Seriously though, it sounds like you and Hubby are handling it the best way possible. When you live with someone, well...maybe you'll be able to get out on your own in a while and that will probably do your nerves some good. Till then, hide the journal (shame you have to- that would absolutely freak me out if someone did that to me).
I'm so glad you decided to move out. You're an adult now - and married - and shouldn't be living with your parents anymore. These kinds of interactions just prove it.
It's always astonishing, no matter how much I experience it, how closely people cling to their dietary propaganda. It's as hard to change someone's mind about diet as it is about religion, and your MIL is right up there with religious nuts.
Lulushk8, that probably is a cultural thing (the cured pig), but I have to admit it would have startled me too. I think here in the States we tend to divorce ourselves from where our food comes from (meats already packaged in plastic). In a way, the Mexican tradition (if that's what it is) sounds more honest. But, startling if you aren't use to it.
lulushka8, do you have to put up with him smoking in the house? Do your parents smoke? If not would they be happy to know that their house was being stunk out and their daughters health affected? Although seeing a dead pig on the fridge is horrible to look at it is not actually harming your health. The passive smoking of his vile fumes is damaging you! I could put up with most of the things you mention (but would rather not have to!) but the smoking is inexcusable! Can't he be made to smoke outside at least... ugh poor you :-(
lulushka8- I am sorry to hear you are being pushed out of your own house! The pig thing would have freaked me out too. Have you told your sister how it's making you feel? She might be able to talk to him and explain that maybe he should be a bit more respectful.
She's calmed down since the incident and has been nice to me. However, we told her that I was leaving and that Dan would be following once his green card came through. She wasn't happy about that, but it's not her life. Since then she's been trying to convince me to stay (only because she wants him to stay!) by offering to pay for part of my school. I graciously declined, plus I really miss my family and they are all super supportive of my diet. Thanks again for listening everyone and giving such great advice! I really appreciate it!
Good for you KMcR. You got the last word in by LEAVING and taking her son with you soon after. Tough shit on her. I must say it sounds EXaCTLY like MY ex-monster-in law. I really thoght you might be my ex's new wife or something.
lulushka8- My parents are not smokers and do not allow smoking in their house. Period. Go outside. It stinks everthing up and stains walls, etc. I used to smoke when I was young, and I would not smoke in my own apartment because of that. Just because you parents are away does not give him the right to smoke INSIDE their home. I think I would tell him that, because that DOES damage the HOUSE as well as health.
I'm glad you're moving out of that enviornment! I personally have had several journals over the years and my family would read mine as a teen. Eventually I found some wicked hiding places. So I understand how personal that can be to you--I'm always very concerned about where I leave my journal.
Something IS wrong with your in law, but it may be something that you don't know about. I think it's very sad that she doesn't see enough happiness in life to just let things go and move on herself. Maybe she thinks her life is boring, so starting arguments and drama makes her feel somewhat elevated. Maybe she constantly looks to put blame on others due to denying the blame she has on herself. She clearly isn't emotionally healthy; and she's putting you and your husband in an unhealthy situation. She's probably past the point of seeking help; and although she frustrates you, treating her lovingly no matter what she does may calm her.
Try to see your mother in law as a bruised child. Not only will you have more sympathy for her, but you will be able to act maturely and respond as an adult; unfortunately she hasn't been able to do it herself.
Good luck, and I'm glad you got out of that stressful enviornment! When you two have both fully moved out, it's likely the relationship won't be as severe--so remain hopeful!!
I am in the EXACT same position. I live w/ my mother in law & she is CRAZY, and obsessive, and acts like a child throwing a tantrum.
I feel for you SO MUCH.
ive been living with her for 2 years now & I have finally been able to cook all the meals in the house. However she goes and buys hella unhealthy food for the house and CONSTANTLY offers people to eat it. It really bothers me considering, im trying to be healthy & lose weight, my husband is trying to be healthy, and her husband is trying to battle diabetes. She HERSELF just had brain surgery for an anorism (sorry spelling) which the doctor said was most likely caused by smoking and she still is eating like crap, drinks DIET coke all day long, (NEVER water) and chain smokes.
megan- I completely feel for you! It's like identical to my situation, minus the health problem. My husband and I got lectured the other day because we are moving to Hawaii and not having children for a while, I'm only 25, and she said that was irresponsible! She's wacked. I'm out of there in a month! Are you and your husband getting out of there any time soon?! I send my best!
haha What? She said it was irresponsible to move to Hawaii and wait before having children?? My husband & I want to wait too. actually we have our hearts set on just adopting and/or becoming foster parents. :]
Thats great for you, you get to move, not only that, but to Hawaii!!! No, sadly we are stuck here for a while. I'm not sure what is going to happen. My husband is thinking about going into the Merchant Marines so he will be payed a lot however he wont be able to go for another year...and right now we are both out of a job. struggling a lot to find one.
It sounds like you got the last word in. :) However, I really do hope (if you're still living there), that's it's not too bad between the two of you before you leave. She sounds like she has emotional issues and that can be caused by anything, really. It's best if you just stay away from her, and like you said, keep positive thoughts on the matter. Be the better person! I'm really glad that you and your husband decided to move out. You should sing the freedom song on your way out of the door... but that might not blow over too well. :D
lulushka8: White vinegar in a vase might help with tar stains on your wall, it won't help with your lungs though! What a goob! Sad about the pig. :/