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Login Here Signup Here Signup using FacebookI am eating raw now. Not %100 percent as I've learned that agave nectar and braggs are dead...I've also been drinking like a fish. I've never been really heavy but I am the fattest person in my family and the most dysfunctional. I watched a video today of some famous raw athlete/model foodist and was drawn by their high sense of living. I WANT to stop killing myself. I do it every day. I hate that I'm destroying my brain and my desire to function with this alcoholism. I just find everything more fun with it. I love raw food. I could live on salad forever. I just want this to destroy my self hatred. There is so much to hate though! I am a sinful bag of pain and though I would never take my own life I can still hope to be killed!
I've been vegetarian since last spring break. I've had a few run ins with surprise meat in my soup or salad which never ended well. Along with being an alcoholic I' m bulimic! Isn't this fun?! I suppose they are a little hand in hand. I am just hoping that someone can join the small part of me that says it's going to be ok. I can fake chipper all day long but my soul is at ends with itself. I don't want to outlive my family, I guess that holds me back a little. I just have a great deal of worry in my heart.
Mary Grace
Comments
If I sound "preachy" I apologize, but what I am going to say, comes from a place of belief and faith...with that...first of all, we are all born sinners, each and every one of us. We are all sinful and wicked. I am a born-again Christian. I asked Jesus Christ into my heart as my Savior awhile ago now, and it was for very much the reasons you said. I hated myself! I couldn't understand how anybody or anyone could ever love meAnd, it wasn't until I realized that I could not get rid of that oppression and bondage on my own, I had to give it to the Lord, and you know what...He took it from me! He gave me the gift of salvation and I gave Him my baggage and doubt and guilt and hatred and resentments and bitterness. Doesn't seem like a real fair deal to me but He looks at those things when you hand them over to Him as a precious gift because then you have room inside of you to be filled with His amazing blessings and love. There are so many promises that He has made to us that it fills an entire book, I'm sure you've heard of it....The Bible =). I'm going to stop here because I know there are people on here that don't believe the same as I do, and it is up to each of us to arrive at a point where we know what and why we believe in what we do, and I never want to shove my faith and beliefs down others throats. If anything I have said to you has sparked something inside of you, please, please, please feel free to e-mail me at andreadantzer@yahoo.com and I will be more than happy to talk to you, even if you don't want to talk about this, you just need a shoulder to cry on or a person to vent to...don't hesitate!
I think you should read The 80/10/10 Diet, it's the only raw book you will ever need, and the diet will turn you into an athlete as it has done to so many others. www.30bananasaday.com and http://rawnaturalhygiene.ning.com/ are 80/10/10 forums. Just continue down the right path and you will be ok. Remember, it's the direction not the speed that matters.
Harkis - A few VERY important things: I'm a recovering alcoholic and started my sober path when I was 24 and I can say from experience that the best thing you can do for yourself is GO. TO. AA. You might feel silly or embarrassed at first or like you don't need it but it is the most comforting, supportive atmosphere you can put yourself in and honestly, being there is a REVELATION. You don't have to speak at meetings, you can just listen and you'll be surprised at how just listening can bring the clearest self-awareness you'll ever experience. Trust me on this one. Go to AA. Just do it. Discussion meetings are a good introduction to the group. Go to aa.org to find a list of meetings near you.
Second - Buy the book "UNDER THE INFLUENCE" BY James Robert Milam and Katherine Ketcham. It is an AMAZING book that debunks alcoholism as a mental health issue and teaches you the importance of healing through food (this is where RAW can do amazing, healing things!) among other things. A few quotes about this book:
Take care of yourself.The best thing you can do for mind, body and soul right now is quit drinking and work on healing your body with wonderful raw food and rest and your soul by surrounding yourself with LOVING, SUPPORTIVE people. Once you start to heal, you'll be able to see your body and yourself as an amazing, beautiful, POWERFUL thing. It can be a slow (and sometimes) painful process (detox is no fun but is absolutely vital!) but when the end result is getting to genuinely enjoy your life instead of hating it and yourself, it's worth it. We're always here if you need us!
Harkis,
first, congratulations for reaching out. I believe in my the truth came to me becasue I wanted it so badly.
I will fishtail upon (excuse the pun) Jesusfreak, yes we need Jesus first and foremost. Along with that the truth (The truth will set you free) needs to come out about why you are in a self-destructing program. And then retrain your brain to combat that with the truth. i.e. if you hear yourself saying "Or I am happier when I drink", say to yourself I am acceptable to God just how I am. these are just little tidbits, yes, read, read read. Get into groups, counseling. For myself I had suppressed memories. really ugly ones. It caused so much distress in my life. My drug was chocolate. It made me feel so happy, but being that I had Hep C (unbeknownst to me) my liver can't handle the sugars. So it would create such havoc. so, once I dealt with what was under the suface I started on the road to healing. I will let you know when I get there as once in therapy, always in therapy, but the truth needs to be allowed to surface. Hold on, it's a bumpy road ;-)
Success in your journey,
emily
Thank you for the kind responses!
80'10'10 is extremely appealing from what I've been reading all weekend. This doesn't include nuts though does it? My only issue with 811 is that I really enjoy preparing food. I haven't been able to make any of the cool recipes on this site for a lack of equipment but I broke down and got a cheap blender tonight. Just had apple/carrot/spinach sludge and it was surprisingly spicy.
I'm feeling a little better. Going to try tonight to put myself down to rest sans pint of vodka OR benadryl. I have not slept well all week. Is this any kind of normal? I'll wake up at 2 to 4 am and lie there waiting for my alarm. I'm just really stressed and emotionally sapped. I talked to a marine recruiter and I kind of want to be a Medevac helicopter pilot. I can't imagine shooting a gun at a person and I'm sure that vegans or even vegetarians are probably nonexistent in the marines. I could be wrong about that. I'm just in the I don't know boat! I'll look into groups, maybe work up the courage to go. I plan to keep eating as raw as possible and hope to get a full nights sleep and feel a little better.
Peace, love
Harkis - Your lack of sleep is alcohol-related. When I was drinking, I was ALWAYS awake in the wee hours of the morning. My father - who's an alcoholic - has the same problem with insomnia. Drunk sleep is not restful sleep! It took me weeks to get all the bad effects of alcohol out of my system before I could really and truly SLEEP without waking up at 2. Now I sleep like the dead without any help so there's hope for you! Don't stress it :) The book I mentioned addresses that as well. It sounds like you're taking steps in the right direction.
There ARE vegans and vegetarians in the Marines - I promise! Before you enlist - if it is something you decide to do - make sure you're healed. Enlisting puts crazy stress on you mentally and physically and it sounds like you're under enough stress these days as is!
Please don't look at raw food as a way to heal yourself of such a serious issue as alcoholism. This is an addiction you will need help surmounting through counseling, supportive friends and family, perhaps even medical assistance. AA is a great suggestion. You don't have to "commit" to it, just check it out.
I feel you're so much further along on this path than many others because you understand how you are hurting yourself and you see the effects of it. I really applaud you for being 'there' already with it. Some people die before the get to that point. Others know they are killing themselves but don't do anything to stop. Just think of how many of these stages you've already passed through!
My opinion only: diet books, god/religion, joining the marines...these things just distract us from doing the real work on ourselves, and we're drawn to them because they're easier than work. You seem ready to start doing it.
RAW CAN play a HUGE role in healing alcoholism and, in my opinion, proper nutrition (i.e. raw) is second only to abstinence in terms of healing this illness.
"Alcoholics have used up their nutrient stores and are often drawing on their own tissues for fuel. Electrolyte depletion and vitamin deficiency are just two of the negative health effects." It's important in recovery to consume tons of water, fruit, veg and high quality protein to counteract the damage alcohol has wreaked on the body. This not only repairs organs and tissues, it eases the symptoms of withdrawal and curbs cravings for alcohol.
Alcoholism is a progressive, PHYSIOLOGICAL DISEASE and involves profound chemical disruptions in the brain and, over time, cell and tissue damage. To suggest that it's solely a mental health issue ignores the other, important side of alcoholism. Counseling alone addresses only the mental while disregarding the physical. Both are important (good nutrition i.e. raw and counseling i.e. AA) to heal.
I apologize if what I'm saying sounds closed-minded but this is an issue I've dealt with personally and have researched for years! There is a lot of misinformation out there... :)