I'm raw, family's not-battling acceptance
So, I've gone raw because I've had some nasty health issues and I feel that my whole struggle has been such a blessing because of what I've learned from my diet. Although my health is not 100%, I'm very improved and feel like I'm getting better.
My husband and step-daughter have watched me go through everything and although they don't eat as horrible as they used to, they do still eat meat and processed junk foods often.
It's definitely been an issue from day one with my husband and I.
He said, "I'm never doing that! You said you were never going to become raw and now you are doing it! Well I have no interest in that and it's going to cause us to get a divorce because we are going to be so different!"
That was almost a year ago and now we are really at each others throat.
I realize that I need to accept that he does not want to eat like I am and I need to learn to watch him eat whatever he wants in front of me without getting defensive or mad. It's not that I always want to eat what he's eating (sometimes I do!) but it's more of a fear for him because I'm watching him eat or drink something that I know is toxic.
I also live in a fairly remote area that is huge in the cattle industry. (all happy, free-range cows!) That is one of the largest incomes in my area. SO most days I feel fairly alone and bullied because people think I am a freak. They like to lecture me on what I should eat and even though I'd like to think I'm getting used to it, I feel like I'm getting more tired of it and less patient with people. It's only making me angry now.
At home, I'm some-what expected to make dinner for the family because I'm home more and in the past I always made the dinners. I like providing that for them, but now it's become a burden because they don't want what I'm eating and I don't want to make 2 meals all the time. I'm trying to be 100% raw right now and it's very hard for me to make them a yummy cooked vegan dish (they add meat to it some days) and not have some.
In my husbands defense, he's always been supportive of what I'm doing for me, as long as he doesn't have to do it. =) He has listened to me for 3 years talk about food and diet, as I read him statistics and facts from all the various health books I've read.
He doesn't see that I am getting better and believes that eating a raw diet isn't doing anything for me which is so frustrating because I know that it is and that I am getting better. It's not happening overnight, but it is happening.
To top it off, I've been watching my mom battle cancer the last 7 years and she swears it was from the food and sedentary lifestyle that she lived. I know that I'm deathly afraid of watching anyone else in my family get sick and that makes it even harder for me to watch my hubby shove candy down his throat or chow on a huge t-bone steak.
How do I accept my husband and daughter for who they are?
Does anyone have any tips for learning acceptance? I know this is what I need to do, but I can't seem to do it! I know the logical points: it's just food, I can't force him to change, his body is not mine, etc. etc. but I'm still having problems.
I'm just becoming more angry and it's tearing my family apart.
Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
Well as long as everyone at least tries to accept each other for who they are, then there's hope. I can't offer you any tips on acceptance, but perhaps I can give you another way of looking at things.
Perhaps the best way to solve this would be to stop thinking of the way they eat as poison. Now I'm a fan raw vegan, it might be the optimal human diet. But humans are amazing creatures and can survive on an amazing amount of foods. But the raw movement has a big focus on calling things toxic, non-foods, poison, etc. and have a very negative view on the 'foods' the majority of the population subside on. Sure they may not be optimal foods, sure they have an impact on heath, but the human race sure has thrived on them for a very long time. Do you know how many people have lived to be 80,90, over a 100 on horrible diets? Yes some may have poor health, but some eat 'poorly' and have good health all their life.
I'm not trying to say that it's good that they eat this way, just that you should focus on not being deathly afraid of their health. I'm sorry about your moms fight(and the whole family, I'm familiar with the situation), but you can't let that effect your family out of fear it could happen to them. There are a lot of factors to health, it's impossible to calculate everything that effects it. Someone might be sick from eating so many steaks, but it could also be air pollution on the drive to work, contact with toxic chemicals there, lack of exercise, etc. Diet is a huge factor in health, but so is stress. If you're really concerned about their well being you have to realize how you react every time they have a piece of candy might be doing them more harm than the candy itself.
You'll have to decide for yourself whether you should change or not(of whether you can if you want to). This is just my advice on which direction I would take. As for family dinner perhaps a compromise of you cooking them vegan meals a few times a week, and making raw meals a few times a week. Really while the issues(these at least) come from being a raw foodist, a forum dedicated to general family conflicts might be a better place to seek advice, or a family/marriage counselor(not something I'd like to recommend really, but I have actually heard good things).
I guess you just have to accept thats the way they want to eat at the moment, but nothing is permanent as you know. Try getting you daughter to include more fresh fruit/vegetables etc so that it balances her diet more.
Focus on yourself at the moment and getting well as a priority. As hikuro says stressing over others is no good and it will push your health and will really tax your adrenal glands, so try to just chill out and accept that your husband for the time being isnt going to join this lifestyle.
What are your health problems if you dont mind me asking, i went through 6+ years of health problems so i know where your coming from.
"In my husbands defense, he's always been supportive of what I'm doing for me, as long as he doesn't have to do it. =) He has listened to me for 3 years talk about food and diet, as I read him statistics and facts from all the various health books I've read."
And that's really all that matters. You should not expect him to change his diet for you, but you should expect him to support you in your efforts.
"He said, "I'm never doing that!"
My Mom said the same thing less than 3 years ago when I went raw. Now she is 100% vegan and and eats lots of raw produce. My Dad is rarely ever eats meat, dairy, or eggs and the same goes for my brother.
What did I do to make them change? Absolutely nothing. I just lived my own healthy life. If they had questions about raw, I was more than happy to answer them, but I never shoved anything down their throats. They saw the change in me and wanted the same for themselves so they started making changes on their own.
"They like to lecture me on what I should eat and even though I'd like to think I'm getting used to it, I feel like I'm getting more tired of it and less patient with people. It's only making me angry now."
I've found that how people approach me regarding my diet has everything to do with my own attitude. If I come across defensive or embarrassed, then people want to argue. If I have a big smile on my face and tell them how wonderful I feel eating this way, they move on.
Trust me on this one. I live in the barbeque capital of the world and yet I never hear negative comments about the way I eat. In fact, I'm known as "The Fruit Lady" at my local Costco and I get compliments on my skin, hair, weight, etc. almost every time I go into the store.
The last thing I want to say is that you should definitely talk to your husband about this. Tell him that you appreciate his support and that even though you would love for him to make the change with you, you support him in his decision not to as well.
I don't know how we can help you accept something - it's just part of life. everyone makes different choices, and you either respect them for it or don't. i'd work on the respect first and foremost, and hopefully in turn, with patience, you will have more effective and loving communication with each other. No one is 'wrong' or 'right."
koaselino, in helping with acceptance try reading "The Shadow Effect" by Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford and Marianne Williamson.
wishing you the best.
Tough to be the "odd one" in your own home, but sometimes you have to do what's best for you. Why can't your husband help with the cooking so that he can eat what he wants to eat? It's probably not recommended by "experts," whoever they really are, but I have friends that pretty much make whatever each person in their fam. wants to eat that night. I know that's what you're trying to avoid, but everyone's happier that way if they can eat their own food and avoid argument over it. Good luck. www.SweetWheat.com/blog has some good stories.
I have a similar situation With my hubby and step daughter. so I make smoothies to get them to eat more fruits and veggies. Other than that not much I can do. I share what I know and what I learn but you can't help a person change their diet untill they're ready. Think of a smoker... A smoker won't quit untill they're ready. They know how bad it is and continue. So just be supportive try to incorporate better things in their meals if you have to prepare them and continue on your living foods journey. They will get on the raw train when they want to take the ride. Just be a living example but don't get angry if they don't follow. Live by example!
Good advice Yogini. My hubby has gone from totally adament that he wouldn't 'touch the stuff' to stealing my fruit smoothies every time my back is turned. He calls my green smoothies pond scum, but I caught him sniffing one the other day. He enquired what was in it and said, 'mmm, I might have to try some if you make one with no cucumber in it.' The more relaxed I am about it the nosier he gets lol, often it's only a little taste here and there but more healthy things are sliding into his diet and I have only been doing this a few weeks myself.
Having said that we were visiting friends the other day on our way back from the wholefood store so the topic slipped into food. Hubby was making a few jokes,about my diet, but in a light-hearted manner. My friend got really uptight about it all and said, 'oh no, you're not turning into one of those total weirdos are you?' She thought I'd lost the plot when I went veggie and when I started switching to all whole foods and using natural cleaning and beauty products.She seems to take every step I take for my own benefit as a slight on her and her way of life. I have no idea why it winds her up so much but I just say well it suits me and each to their own.
I am married to t-rex. But now he drinks green juice, with stevia, I make for him. Step by step every family member can benefit from your example.
I hear ya!
My family are meat eaters.
Why don't you try to make a meal you can all enjoy by say making a big raw salad for everyone - you could add beans or tofu cubes or rice, baked potatoes etc to theirs and add something else that's raw to yours. Keep dinner pretty simple, nothing too involved. Something that is raw but not too out of the ordinary by most people's standards.
You could do a raw pasta with zucchini noodles and then put some bolognese on theirs and some raw sauce on yours. Don't call it raw, call it "low carb" or something a bit more socially acceptable. Your could do the same with parsnip or cauliflower "rice".
My meaty hubby is enjoying fruit smoothies for breakfast now. He often makes them for all of us, very nice! And I'm starting to bring him around to vegetable juices (so long as there is a few apples in there!)